Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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