No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
