and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
