all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
