I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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