thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
