I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
