he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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