Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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