I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize