Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
