Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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