I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Randomize
