Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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