just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
