Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
