i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
