Already got asked if we're dating
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
