your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
