you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
