I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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