Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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