At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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