ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just threw up on my dentist
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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