I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
