You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
