$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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