And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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