i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
