Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
