and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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