we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
