Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
