My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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