Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
