Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
