Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
