I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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