where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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