Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
