How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
