So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
