Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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