Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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