This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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