you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
