The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
