I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
