she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
