Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
