Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
